2012 in Film

Posted: 08/04/2012 in Ramblings

It certainly has been a long time since I posted a blog entry. Chalk it up to whatever you like. Life, lack of interest, or being kidnapped by Teenaged Turtles that have learned out ways from our broadcasting Akira Kurosawa films through space. That was my obligatory Michael Bay crack. Back to business.

I figured with Summer films practically upon us, I can give you a list of what I’m looking forward to. And a short star rating from 1-5 to tell how I think it will turn out. One being terrible and five being near perfect. Without any further bullshit, let’s get to the list. By release date:

American Reunion – April 5th I know, right off the bat, my taste is questioned. I saw the first film when I was just about to enter High School. I saw it with a friend of mine and my mother at the local Drive-in and it was a staple of my childhood. Previous generations got Porky’s and Animal House (I appreciate and adore both), I got American Pie. I haven’t seen any of the abortions that followed American Wedding, but I am looking forward to the return of the original cast. 3 Stars. It will probably be terrible, but it will be enough to invoke some feelings in me.

The Cabin in the Woods – April 13th To be honest with you, I was on board when I saw the name Joss Whedon. Before that, while watching the trailer, I thought to myself, “Crap, this is probably the remake to Evil Dead.” I was pleasantly surprised to find out that it wasn’t and instead looked like a merger of the classic camping horror with what looks to be reality television gone right. It seems as though it would be better suited for an August or October release, so the studio must not have much faith in it. It will be a fun ride, though. Besides, do you remember that terrible Joss Whedon project? Neither do I. 3 Stars.

The Avengers – May 4th All of the films have led up to this. To be honest with you, I only really dug the first Iron Man, Thor and Captain America. I am looking forward to it, and Joss is directing (Black Widow will be the main character), but I just can’t see this one as a home run like I hope it will be. It is epic, but too many things could go wrong. These characters work so well in the comics because they know each other so well after decades of back issues. A film showing their origins just seems like it will be messy and a major character will inevitably be left feeling a bit left out. Dr. Banner said it best “We’re not a team, we’re a time bomb.” 4 Stars. Only because I am a comic geek and I really really really don’t want this to fail as a film.

Prometheus – June 8th Ridley Scott. Alien prequel. Have you seen the trailer?! 4 Stars. There is room for failure, but I ask you to look at what I wrote before the number ‘4’.

Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter – June 22nd This just looks like mindless popcorn fun. The perfect summer film. Go to a Drive-in and tune out and watch something that boarders on Exploitation. 3 Stars.

Brave – June 22nd I am in love with the trailer to this film. I am also in love with the main character. Yes, she is a ginger, and he hair is….well most of her body, but she is cute as a button and I wouldn’t mind earning her in an archery contest. 5 Stars.

The Amazing Spider-Man – July 3rd So, it isn’t a reboot. Simply a re-telling of an already established character. I’m down. Spider-Man is my second favorite Marvel character (behind Ben Grim), so I’ll be there opening day. This film seems to be miles ahead of the previous films for nothing more than casting. Peter Parker is the perfect body type. And the cast the perfect actress to play Mary Jane as Gwen Stacy? Awesome. It has so many things going for it. Not only do we have a properly portrayed cast of characters (that include THE PROPER CHARACTERS), but we also have what looks to be a perfectly fleshed out universe. Conners working for Oscorp (foreshadowing the inevitable death of Gwen), Web Shooters, Spidey cracking jokes, etc. It is going to be something special. The only problem? It is the same studio that gave us the third in the previous franchise. There is a chance the trailers have lied to us and this will fall apart in the first twenty minutes. 4 Stars.

The Dark Knight Rises – July 20th Yea. There is no point in debating this film, or even speculating. But I have. In great deal since the release of the second film, and then it changed a bit with the release that Bane would be the villain. This is what I have come up with. Talia will be the main villain and Bane is the League of Shadows replacement for Bruce Wayne. He was recruited out of prison and given this universe’s version of venom (deriving from that flower in the first film), and is out to cleanse Gotham out of both Talia’s revenge, but also the fact that Bruce Wayne hasn’t changed a thing in the eight years between this and The Dark Knight. I’m hoping Nolan kills off Bruce Wayne in this film. It would fit perfectly in the way the other films have set things up. Joseph Gordon-Levitt character could be a Nightwing character that takes up the mantle without that pesky “need to be Robin” thing. Then again, on second thought, I hope that isn’t the case. 5 Stars.

ParaNorman – August 17th It will be cute, and it should have been released in October. I am a bit worried because it will more than likely follow the same structure as every other child film. Think about the Iron Giant. It will follow that arc structure. 3 Stars.

Argo – September 14th This just seems like such an interesting story. Ben Affleck has proven himself a competent director and the cast that is being brought to this film can hold their own weight. I just hope the writing is as tight as it needs to be. I’m picturing Munich. If done right, this film will eat Oscars like they’re candy. 4Stars.

007: Skyfall – October 26th I don’t know how I feel about this one. Solstice was a bit of a bore, but hopefully it was just setting up this film. Supposedly, we’ll finally get to see the big bads from the previous two films and more of that precious “I can’t trust anyone, even the Spymaster ‘M’” That we have come to love in the last two. I’m just kidding that got old really fast. I just hope this blows me out of the water the way Casino Royale did. Otherwise, it’s back to watching From Russia With Love and I’ll never give another modern Bond film a chance. 3 Stars.

47 Ronin – November 21st This harkens back to Seven Samurai for me. The premise sounds great, but Keanu being involved means it will be another Last Samurai crapfest. 2 Stars.

The Hobbit – December 14th I’m sorry, but I’m going to pull another Prometheus. Have you seen the trailer? Did you like the previous films that are sequels to the story that this film is telling? 5 Stars.

Django Unchained – December 25th I’m not a huge fan of QT. To be honest with you, I can’t think of a film of his that I LOVED. Sure, I enjoyed a great deal of his films. But they are just pop-culture coated homages to classic films as seen through the lens of QT. I dig what he tries to do, which is why I’m interested in this film. Well, that and the fact that it has Django in the title. 3 Stars

The Great Gatsby – December 25th This is a story that doesn’t need to be told. It is a classic book, and there are so many different ways the characters have been portrayed in people’s minds as a result of that status. A modern film will only water down the book, try to make it relevant, and lose the meaning. And that is coming from someone who couldn’t care less about the book. 2 Stars.


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