Child of the 90s, Take Me Home

Posted: 09/09/2012 in Ramblings

Do you know what is annoying? Reading about people’s nostalgia for things from their childhood that weren’t that important/interesting to begin with. What is even more infuriating is the fact that most of these self-labeled “90s Kids” aren’t even 90s kids. If you were born in the 90s, you aren’t a 90s kid. sorry to burst your bubble. You have to have gone through puberty by the end of the decade in order to say you were a child of it. I was born in ’86. You don’t see me claiming to be an 80s kid. Did I enjoy the cartoons and culture from the late 80s? Sure. As much as a 4 year old could. I am a 90s child. Not some brat who was born after the decade began. You can enjoy shows and culture from a certain time period, but your pretentious ass CAN NOT claim to be something you’re not. 

To be honest with myself, it doesn’t really matter. Does it? Not really. It is a cluster of great shows; however, most of the programs/events that are listed came out in the late 90s. That is just a cop-out. I’m sorry, but certain Nickelodeon shows just shouldn’t be on these lists. 

To bring this whole post into perspective, I wanted to show just how ridiculous these types of posts are. To do so, I chose to list significant events from the nineties. The 1490s. 

You know you’re a kid of the 90s when the following things make you swoon with nostalgia!

-Anne of Brittany is married to Maximilian I, Holy Roman Emperor -by proxy!
-When Catholic missionaries arrived at Kongo for the first time. Talk about exciting!
-If you lived in Yemen, this is the first time you had coffee. NEVER FORGET!
-Da Vinci lights up our nights when he invents the first oil lamp. I think it was so he could observe the capillary function.
-Five years of peace between the Scottish and English with the truce of Coldstream. Finally.
-The Dresden fires!
-Spanish conversion and exile of Jews. Sad times.
-Columbus found a new route to India!
-Peace of Etaples gives the French back their land from England. Calais stays, though! Tough break.
-Scandal! Perkin Warbeck is recognized by the Holy Roman Empire as king of England!
-Mitla is conquered by the Aztecs. Crazy, kids!
-Poyning’s Law makes Irish Parlament irrelevant. Heartbreaking!
-Da Vinci gets our hopes up, but his “flying machine” fails. God didn’t give us wings for a reason, Leo!
-The Cornish rebel because they hate paying taxes t the English. That was a “bloody” mistake, eh?
-Ivan the Great laid down the law. As a result, the Ottomans give Russians freedom in the empire. Finally!
-Where in the World is Jon Cabot?! Heh.
-Anne of Brittany, the slut, gets married- AGAIN!
-Milan is seized by the Loius XII of France.
-Ponte Notre-Dame collapses. How embarrassing!
-Perkin Warbeck is hanged after trying to escape from the Tower of London. Just like Edward, the Earl of Warwick. Coincidence? I think not! He was the last male member of the House of York, you know.

And the last free monarchy of the Balkins (Montenegro) was annexed by the Ottoman Empire. Ouch!


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